Reflectionist Baz's Blog » Poetry

Alone By Default

ReflectionistBaz — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 09:09:36 +0000

I found your position on the continent/
You were frozen in the arctic circle/
You just can’t tell your real feelings/
From the ones that have been cast far from these shores/
As if once they were exposed the ice would melt/
You were drowning in the blue ocean/
But managed to find time to weave a tale/
In between breaths of love and trust/
Of lust and lies/
Now I see through you without even trying/
I turned my back on your disguise/
Quicken my body with a false sense of security/
It’s just another reminder of my past/
How do you feel now that I’ve stopped loving you?/
Back then I romanticized your intentions/
So many inventions of your mind that continue to fill up the shelf/
I would just fill in the blanks of your silence/
Project onto self the love that was never felt/
And watch you like a life line/
Sparked a rift, a division of bodies/
I fought so hard to stop the hole from bleeding/
But the liquid memories fell through my hands/
This battlefield of a continent was just the world we created/
You cast the first stone into the water/
And witnessed me breaking/
Without fixture, without mend/
Is this really the end?//

Written by Baz
5th Jan 2010

Little Death

ReflectionistBaz — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 04:18:02 +0000

If you can take just one last thing with you
As your soul leaves your body at last
I just don’t want to die alone
And if that’s too much to ask
Dim my eyesight, coat my ears in glass
For all that I’ve seen and all that I’ve believed
Faulters in your very presence
I’ll take the seeds I’ve sown and the weeds
That have grown from my grave
You do your best to leave out the past
Do your best to carry on
After you carried me down into the depths of hell
And waited for your fate to take the date
Off the calendar of your resented memories
I’m going to want some answers when I die
And I know that what lies ahead is
Nothing compared to what I’ve been through
Alive alone
together forever
Untrue you
heart severed
And you know what lies ahead
Is to be the worst you’ve been through

Written by Baz
Dec 15th 2009

Sinking

ReflectionistBaz — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 07:23:15 +0000

Waiting for change?/
Waiting for me to change?/
I’m just waiting for an excuse/
Waiting for you to speak the truth/
Your feeble attempts at some sort of new you/
This isn’t positive and it won’t be the last negative/
So tired always tired/
Exhausted my heart and skin just waiting for change again/
I’m waiting for you to move out of my life/
So I can rearrange and/
Maybe redeem some of my tries/
Presence of people not for me/
Just waiting for your shadow to haunt my asylum dreams/
You haunt me/
This sinking feeling/
A chained ball fused to my legs/
Will I ever wake up?/
Will I ever see you?/
Will I never wake up?/
I can’t see you…/
Caught in a vice/
My back to the wall/
If I had a choice/
I wouldn’t have met you at all/
So I won’t keep paying the price/
But that’s what you get when you open your dimming heart up/
Here’s your reward for losing my trust/
No more//

Written by Baz
Nov 26th 2009

Bloodlust

ReflectionistBaz — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 14:02:05 +0000

Silence your entire life/
You just need to listen to what will make you whole/
And who you care about most/
Balance that picture frame over and over again/
But you know it’s never truly level/
Tilling your own grave/
Tilling your own grave/
If only your ashes wouldn’t divide when your soul subsides/
That concave placard never fit in the convexed hole/
And what you hold so close dies/
When the earth folds in on itself/
Keep your feet on the ground/
Tilling your own grave/
Tilling your own grave/

Well, we ran in circles that day and rather than trying to stray away the pain, we made a refrain of everything we needed slain. I would never turn my back on you for fear of being stabbed, yeah, this old hand is one that you can’t grab. You complained and filed complaint against the trains that were crossing through your life. No one was ever able to hold water in their hands for long before it strains and the thinner it became the darker your varnished heart became. I would rather speak in my own broken language alone than to sit around and tease time with my youth. Growing so old from the carbon that brews in your bones. A soapbox house of cause and glass so stop tossing your fucking stones around. Manic as an addict, I’ve had it and I’ll retract before I get bit. Save your excuses for fabricating the net of lies strung from the veins of your corrupt friends and well disciplined reprimands.

Silenced my whole empty life/
I just need to bleed to truly make myself whole/
And I’m who you really don’t care about most/
Balance that picture frame over and over again/
But you know it’s never truly level in the end/
Sun has set: All darkens/
Still tilling your own grave/
Tilling your own grave//

Written by Baz
Oct 1 2009

Boxes

ReflectionistBaz — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 18:31:14 +0000

And what did you get for cowering in the closet?/
When you were broken down and began to cry/
To the left a mirror and to the right there was nothing but tears/
A reflection staring back at you from across all the years/
You look good in that box full of upset cowards/
But you just had to get out and began to pry/
A Russian roulette this time the gun is at your head/
Up above you were looked down upon/
And at the bottom no one gave you notice/
Yet you revolved through everyone on that parasitic axis/
They proudly suffered through being your withdrawn pawns/
You’re the leader and you are in on the con/
The floor plan was laid out and the blueprint set/
You ravaged through me as if you thought the coal/
That you stole from my heart/
Would somehow transmutate into gold//

Written by Baz
11 Sept 2009

Empty Cup

ReflectionistBaz — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 07:33:41 +0000

Don’t question what you hear/
That’s just a gas leak/
Bestill and dream with me/
Let the vapors close your throat/
And the friction of my words pressed against your ears/
Filling your sinuses with thin blood/
How it coats and coats your withered skin/
And I will never let your hand slip away/
Fade away from mine/
Like a force that separates us from what we intend/
We don’t have to fight now we can pretend/
Don’t question what you saw/
I have to end it to remove that revelation/
Bestill and forgive me/
Let me rest your body in the frozen ground/
And the friction of the earth will convert/
Pushing through your head into decay/
How it bloats and soaks your dead skin/
And I will never let your hand slip away/
Fade away from mine/
Like a force that magnetizes us from what we invent/
We don’t have to fight in the end//

Written by Baz
4th September 2009

Letting Go

ReflectionistBaz — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 17:38:27 +0000

I can’t let you go/
Even though inside I know/
I need to leave the past behind/
There’s just something that I need to find/
A place inside of me/
I’m still so blind/
But I do want clarity to see/
The future is the only thing that is/
Ever going to be in front of me/
Looking ahead is the only way/
To set myself free/ Be/
It that the past/
Is behind me now/
Be it that I can’t fix it and/ I/
Don’t know how/ It’s just/
Too hard to leave it in the past/
I can’t let these memories last/
They blur me until I’m pushed under/
Way too fast/ I’m/

Holding on to something that’s just not there/
And pretending I really don’t care/
Without you I feel lost/ But/
That must be the cost/
Exhausted/ I want you to know/
I’m having trouble letting you go/

I remember a time when I wouldn’t/
Let you go/
No feelings afraid to show/
But things turned around so fast/
There was no way to make it last/
Hatred grew inside of me/
You were the last person/
I ever wanted to see/
I couldn’t let go/ And now all I know/
The only thing left is to grow/
And so/
I’m leaving you memory behind/
Our lives are no longer entwined/
I need to remind you/
I still find I’m…/

As I turn back my back/
I look back at the tracks/
And traces of nostalgia I can’t/
Quite grasp/
I bathe in the winds of feelings/
To the point where I wonder/
If I’m just dreaming/
Because it feels so real/
It feels so right/
That when I close my eyes at night/
I remember you letting go/
And so I’ve left/
My words and possibilities/
I’ve left behind my soul//

Written by Baz
24 May 2003

Don’t Believe

ReflectionistBaz — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 20:19:12 +0000

The darkened room around me/
The walls are burrowing in/
A faint, brief reflection/
Of myself going insane/
As the world attacks me/
These rules begin to bend/
Roomfuls of regret/
I’m broke down on the floor/
I can’t explain this hurt inside/
But I don’t want it anymore/
You call to me/
Screaming out my name/
I can’t feel anything but pain/
And I’m sure you feel the same/
Tears and cigarette ashes/
Insecurities and obscurities/
Collapsed and never-ending/
All mixed in alcohol/
Distilled inside my life’s ending/
Every ally crashed upon me/
Thrown against the wall/
There’s so many thing I can’t conceive/
And I’m certain there will be more/
Unless I lock the door/
Unless I/
I loved you more than you’ll ever know/
Never associated/
I bleed for you more than I could ever show/
Never regretted/
I’ll think of you after you go/
Never obfuscated/
I realize how dislodged I am/
And I hope I won’t disappoint/
Never disheartened/
You eventually will notice/
You eventually will forget/
Whatever happens/
Inside I honestly feel/
that this path has already been set/
Roomfuls of mirrors/
I’m seeing past these walls/
Discovering a paradox/
One that was recalled/
You run to me/
Screaming out my name/
I can’t feel anything because/
Nothing runs through my veins/
This paradox in me/
The same I’ve always seen/
Is the one that has be-stilled me/
I’m so sorry that you still/
Don’t believe//

Written by Baz
13 Sep 2003

Adapted transience

ReflectionistBaz — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 20:07:45 +0000

What has pushed out/
Is a shiftless/
Yet overall sentimental scrape/
That crawls on us everyday/
It’s repression is soberly solemn/
And all so tyrannical/
Like a tyrant decreeing filaments/
Into our lives/
One that can’t give in/
Without damaging/
Exceeding while mitigating/
The eternal criminality deep inside…/
You intrigue my hazard/
You eliminate my words/
All security defaced by the faceless/
By you/
You realize it now/
Realize and dispatch/
Confess it/
You numb consciousness/
Confrontation/
Against the imbecilic unbeliever/
Unaccustomed to the world around you/
Unaligned to the thirteenth formation/
that will eventually crush you/
Nondescript/
With clarity about the group/
That all so angers you/
Just stereotyping and condescending/
Descending into a black hole/
That is ultimately coveting you//

Written by Baz
29 June 2009

A Space to Scream

ReflectionistBaz — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 16:15:10 +0000

One long breath/
I take/ It’s all I need to break/
Profile with sick amusement/
Views this relationship give and take/
Not sure what to make of this progress/
Confession an easy path most cowards test/
Pressure is not wanted; but still it shakes/
Making me insane today/
Making me insane/
Everyday/
For you I would lie/
To you I would cry/
For you I would die/
Because nothing can help me today/
Bitterness and betrayal/
Tell me to be afraid/
If you could only see the pain I’ve been paid/
If you could/
If you could just let me fade away/
Fall back/
I need a space to scream/
Step back/
So I can just bleed/
Get away/
This isn’t the way it should be/
Go away/
Just let me be free/
I need a space to scream/
I want a face to scream at/
I’m failing again/
One long breath/
To fake/ So tasteless/ Bitterness/
I’m so hungry for ignorance/
Everyone faithless/ Loneliness/
You make my blood pour/
Everywhere functionless/ Attractiveness/
I confess I’m failing/ Just like before/
Making me the blame today/
It’s me you blame/
Every way/
A place to be free/
A space I chase/ Only to scream/
I would lie/
to you/
I would cry/
for you/
I would die//

Written by Baz
14 May 2004