Reflectionist Baz's Blog

It took awhile to let you in/
Now I’ll do everything it takes/
To scrape your memory from my skin//

Drained my apathy across your breasts/
I’m a stray raggedy cat come to be fed/
You always find a way to keep me coming back/
But this genetic disease has me on my knees/
Rubbed my blood across your hairy chest/
I’m no stranger to the everlasting pain/
You always found a way to keep me waiting/
But today I can finally breathe//

Written by Baz
July 28th, 2010

I found your position on the continent/
You were frozen in the arctic circle/
You just can’t tell your real feelings/
From the ones that have been cast far from these shores/
As if once they were exposed the ice would melt/
You were drowning in the blue ocean/
But managed to find time to weave a tale/
In between breaths of love and trust/
Of lust and lies/
Now I see through you without even trying/
I turned my back on your disguise/
Quicken my body with a false sense of security/
It’s just another reminder of my past/
How do you feel now that I’ve stopped loving you?/
Back then I romanticized your intentions/
So many inventions of your mind that continue to fill up the shelf/
I would just fill in the blanks of your silence/
Project onto self the love that was never felt/
And watch you like a life line/
Sparked a rift, a division of bodies/
I fought so hard to stop the hole from bleeding/
But the liquid memories fell through my hands/
This battlefield of a continent was just the world we created/
You cast the first stone into the water/
And witnessed me breaking/
Without fixture, without mend/
Is this really the end?//

Written by Baz
5th Jan 2010

If you can take just one last thing with you
As your soul leaves your body at last
I just don’t want to die alone
And if that’s too much to ask
Dim my eyesight, coat my ears in glass
For all that I’ve seen and all that I’ve believed
Faulters in your very presence
I’ll take the seeds I’ve sown and the weeds
That have grown from my grave
You do your best to leave out the past
Do your best to carry on
After you carried me down into the depths of hell
And waited for your fate to take the date
Off the calendar of your resented memories
I’m going to want some answers when I die
And I know that what lies ahead is
Nothing compared to what I’ve been through
Alive alone
together forever
Untrue you
heart severed
And you know what lies ahead
Is to be the worst you’ve been through

Written by Baz
Dec 15th 2009

Waiting for change?/
Waiting for me to change?/
I’m just waiting for an excuse/
Waiting for you to speak the truth/
Your feeble attempts at some sort of new you/
This isn’t positive and it won’t be the last negative/
So tired always tired/
Exhausted my heart and skin just waiting for change again/
I’m waiting for you to move out of my life/
So I can rearrange and/
Maybe redeem some of my tries/
Presence of people not for me/
Just waiting for your shadow to haunt my asylum dreams/
You haunt me/
This sinking feeling/
A chained ball fused to my legs/
Will I ever wake up?/
Will I ever see you?/
Will I never wake up?/
I can’t see you…/
Caught in a vice/
My back to the wall/
If I had a choice/
I wouldn’t have met you at all/
So I won’t keep paying the price/
But that’s what you get when you open your dimming heart up/
Here’s your reward for losing my trust/
No more//

Written by Baz
Nov 26th 2009

Silence your entire life/
You just need to listen to what will make you whole/
And who you care about most/
Balance that picture frame over and over again/
But you know it’s never truly level/
Tilling your own grave/
Tilling your own grave/
If only your ashes wouldn’t divide when your soul subsides/
That concave placard never fit in the convexed hole/
And what you hold so close dies/
When the earth folds in on itself/
Keep your feet on the ground/
Tilling your own grave/
Tilling your own grave/

Well, we ran in circles that day and rather than trying to stray away the pain, we made a refrain of everything we needed slain. I would never turn my back on you for fear of being stabbed, yeah, this old hand is one that you can’t grab. You complained and filed complaint against the trains that were crossing through your life. No one was ever able to hold water in their hands for long before it strains and the thinner it became the darker your varnished heart became. I would rather speak in my own broken language alone than to sit around and tease time with my youth. Growing so old from the carbon that brews in your bones. A soapbox house of cause and glass so stop tossing your fucking stones around. Manic as an addict, I’ve had it and I’ll retract before I get bit. Save your excuses for fabricating the net of lies strung from the veins of your corrupt friends and well disciplined reprimands.

Silenced my whole empty life/
I just need to bleed to truly make myself whole/
And I’m who you really don’t care about most/
Balance that picture frame over and over again/
But you know it’s never truly level in the end/
Sun has set: All darkens/
Still tilling your own grave/
Tilling your own grave//

Written by Baz
Oct 1 2009