Reflectionist Baz's Blog

I can’t let you go/
Even though inside I know/
I need to leave the past behind/
There’s just something that I need to find/
A place inside of me/
I’m still so blind/
But I do want clarity to see/
The future is the only thing that is/
Ever going to be in front of me/
Looking ahead is the only way/
To set myself free/ Be/
It that the past/
Is behind me now/
Be it that I can’t fix it and/ I/
Don’t know how/ It’s just/
Too hard to leave it in the past/
I can’t let these memories last/
They blur me until I’m pushed under/
Way too fast/ I’m/

Holding on to something that’s just not there/
And pretending I really don’t care/
Without you I feel lost/ But/
That must be the cost/
Exhausted/ I want you to know/
I’m having trouble letting you go/

I remember a time when I wouldn’t/
Let you go/
No feelings afraid to show/
But things turned around so fast/
There was no way to make it last/
Hatred grew inside of me/
You were the last person/
I ever wanted to see/
I couldn’t let go/ And now all I know/
The only thing left is to grow/
And so/
I’m leaving you memory behind/
Our lives are no longer entwined/
I need to remind you/
I still find I’m…/

Holding on to something that’s just not there/
And pretending I really don’t care/
Without you I feel lost/ But/
That must be the cost/
Exhausted/ I want you to know/
I’m having trouble letting you go/

As I turn back my back/
I look back at the tracks/
And traces of nostalgia I can’t/
Quite grasp/
I bathe in the winds of feelings/
To the point where I wonder/
If I’m just dreaming/
Because it feels so real/
It feels so right/
That when I close my eyes at night/
I remember you letting go/
And so I’ve left/
My words and possibilities/
I’ve left behind my soul//

Written by Baz
24 May 2003

The darkened room around me/
The walls are burrowing in/
A faint, brief reflection/
Of myself going insane/
As the world attacks me/
These rules begin to bend/
Roomfuls of regret/
I’m broke down on the floor/
I can’t explain this hurt inside/
But I don’t want it anymore/
You call to me/
Screaming out my name/
I can’t feel anything but pain/
And I’m sure you feel the same/
Tears and cigarette ashes/
Insecurities and obscurities/
Collapsed and never-ending/
All mixed in alcohol/
Distilled inside my life’s ending/
Every ally crashed upon me/
Thrown against the wall/
There’s so many thing I can’t conceive/
And I’m certain there will be more/
Unless I lock the door/
Unless I/
I loved you more than you’ll ever know/
Never associated/
I bleed for you more than I could ever show/
Never regretted/
I’ll think of you after you go/
Never obfuscated/
I realize how dislodged I am/
And I hope I won’t disappoint/
Never disheartened/
You eventually will notice/
You eventually will forget/
Whatever happens/
Inside I honestly feel/
that this path has already been set/
Roomfuls of mirrors/
I’m seeing past these walls/
Discovering a paradox/
One that was recalled/
You run to me/
Screaming out my name/
I can’t feel anything because/
Nothing runs through my veins/
This paradox in me/
The same I’ve always seen/
Is the one that has be-stilled me/
I’m so sorry that you still/
Don’t believe//

Written by Baz
13 Sep 2003

What has pushed out/
Is a shiftless/
Yet overall sentimental scrape/
That crawls on us everyday/
It’s repression is soberly solemn/
And all so tyrannical/
Like a tyrant decreeing filaments/
Into our lives/
One that can’t give in/
Without damaging/
Exceeding while mitigating/
The eternal criminality deep inside…/
You intrigue my hazard/
You eliminate my words/
All security defaced by the faceless/
By you/
You realize it now/
Realize and dispatch/
Confess it/
You numb consciousness/
Confrontation/
Against the imbecilic unbeliever/
Unaccustomed to the world around you/
Unaligned to the thirteenth formation/
that will eventually crush you/
Nondescript/
With clarity about the group/
That all so angers you/
Just stereotyping and condescending/
Descending into a black hole/
That is ultimately coveting you//

Written by Baz
29 June 2009

One long breath/
I take/ It’s all I need to break/
Profile with sick amusement/
Views this relationship give and take/
Not sure what to make of this progress/
Confession an easy path most cowards test/
Pressure is not wanted; but still it shakes/
Making me insane today/
Making me insane/
Everyday/
For you I would lie/
To you I would cry/
For you I would die/
Because nothing can help me today/
Bitterness and betrayal/
Tell me to be afraid/
If you could only see the pain I’ve been paid/
If you could/
If you could just let me fade away/
Fall back/
I need a space to scream/
Step back/
So I can just bleed/
Get away/
This isn’t the way it should be/
Go away/
Just let me be free/
I need a space to scream/
I want a face to scream at/
I’m failing again/
One long breath/
To fake/ So tasteless/ Bitterness/
I’m so hungry for ignorance/
Everyone faithless/ Loneliness/
You make my blood pour/
Everywhere functionless/ Attractiveness/
I confess I’m failing/ Just like before/
Making me the blame today/
It’s me you blame/
Every way/
A place to be free/
A space I chase/ Only to scream/
I would lie/
to you/
I would cry/
for you/
I would die//

Written by Baz
14 May 2004

I bleed for no one/
I bleed for you/
The only person I let cut into/
The pain and insecurities/
That harbored inside of me/
I believe in no one/
I believe in you/
the only one who can see right through/
Memories of dying blind/
Never again to see your alabaster eyes/
What we are means nothing now/
Feelings aside/
I know I’ll soon die/
Your Saturn is revolving about/
Returning close/
Reap the changes it brings/
What we are means nothing now/
You’ve given love another try/
Cruel as time/
Fulfilled the impulse/
To close your holes/
Everything you want to see/
Everything you once saw for me/
Is all you’ll ever know/
You can’t keep treating others/
Like an extension of your soul//

Written by Baz
25 June 2009

So the truth hurts/

Poetic enough to sell it and protected enough to repel it/

There’s no way out/

Corrected and subjective this is not bent/

And I’ll write and write until the feeling is meant/

Take what you will and cast away what you can’t/

A returning favor a factor of your behavior/

Will we ever return to the same wavelength?/

Crisp metallic beats just another being’s heart beating/

The lies hurt more/

And actions say one thing when the words are stuttering and torn/

I can’t keep this up anymore//

Written by Baz

16 June 2009