Reflectionist Baz's Blog

I can’t let you go/
Even though inside I know/
I need to leave the past behind/
There’s just something that I need to find/
A place inside of me/
I’m still so blind/
But I do want clarity to see/
The future is the only thing that is/
Ever going to be in front of me/
Looking ahead is the only way/
To set myself free/ Be/
It that the past/
Is behind me now/
Be it that I can’t fix it and/ I/
Don’t know how/ It’s just/
Too hard to leave it in the past/
I can’t let these memories last/
They blur me until I’m pushed under/
Way too fast/ I’m/

Holding on to something that’s just not there/
And pretending I really don’t care/
Without you I feel lost/ But/
That must be the cost/
Exhausted/ I want you to know/
I’m having trouble letting you go/

I remember a time when I wouldn’t/
Let you go/
No feelings afraid to show/
But things turned around so fast/
There was no way to make it last/
Hatred grew inside of me/
You were the last person/
I ever wanted to see/
I couldn’t let go/ And now all I know/
The only thing left is to grow/
And so/
I’m leaving you memory behind/
Our lives are no longer entwined/
I need to remind you/
I still find I’m…/

Holding on to something that’s just not there/
And pretending I really don’t care/
Without you I feel lost/ But/
That must be the cost/
Exhausted/ I want you to know/
I’m having trouble letting you go/

As I turn back my back/
I look back at the tracks/
And traces of nostalgia I can’t/
Quite grasp/
I bathe in the winds of feelings/
To the point where I wonder/
If I’m just dreaming/
Because it feels so real/
It feels so right/
That when I close my eyes at night/
I remember you letting go/
And so I’ve left/
My words and possibilities/
I’ve left behind my soul//

Written by Baz
24 May 2003

The darkened room around me/
The walls are burrowing in/
A faint, brief reflection/
Of myself going insane/
As the world attacks me/
These rules begin to bend/
Roomfuls of regret/
I’m broke down on the floor/
I can’t explain this hurt inside/
But I don’t want it anymore/
You call to me/
Screaming out my name/
I can’t feel anything but pain/
And I’m sure you feel the same/
Tears and cigarette ashes/
Insecurities and obscurities/
Collapsed and never-ending/
All mixed in alcohol/
Distilled inside my life’s ending/
Every ally crashed upon me/
Thrown against the wall/
There’s so many thing I can’t conceive/
And I’m certain there will be more/
Unless I lock the door/
Unless I/
I loved you more than you’ll ever know/
Never associated/
I bleed for you more than I could ever show/
Never regretted/
I’ll think of you after you go/
Never obfuscated/
I realize how dislodged I am/
And I hope I won’t disappoint/
Never disheartened/
You eventually will notice/
You eventually will forget/
Whatever happens/
Inside I honestly feel/
that this path has already been set/
Roomfuls of mirrors/
I’m seeing past these walls/
Discovering a paradox/
One that was recalled/
You run to me/
Screaming out my name/
I can’t feel anything because/
Nothing runs through my veins/
This paradox in me/
The same I’ve always seen/
Is the one that has be-stilled me/
I’m so sorry that you still/
Don’t believe//

Written by Baz
13 Sep 2003

What has pushed out/
Is a shiftless/
Yet overall sentimental scrape/
That crawls on us everyday/
It’s repression is soberly solemn/
And all so tyrannical/
Like a tyrant decreeing filaments/
Into our lives/
One that can’t give in/
Without damaging/
Exceeding while mitigating/
The eternal criminality deep inside…/
You intrigue my hazard/
You eliminate my words/
All security defaced by the faceless/
By you/
You realize it now/
Realize and dispatch/
Confess it/
You numb consciousness/
Confrontation/
Against the imbecilic unbeliever/
Unaccustomed to the world around you/
Unaligned to the thirteenth formation/
that will eventually crush you/
Nondescript/
With clarity about the group/
That all so angers you/
Just stereotyping and condescending/
Descending into a black hole/
That is ultimately coveting you//

Written by Baz
29 June 2009

One long breath/
I take/ It’s all I need to break/
Profile with sick amusement/
Views this relationship give and take/
Not sure what to make of this progress/
Confession an easy path most cowards test/
Pressure is not wanted; but still it shakes/
Making me insane today/
Making me insane/
Everyday/
For you I would lie/
To you I would cry/
For you I would die/
Because nothing can help me today/
Bitterness and betrayal/
Tell me to be afraid/
If you could only see the pain I’ve been paid/
If you could/
If you could just let me fade away/
Fall back/
I need a space to scream/
Step back/
So I can just bleed/
Get away/
This isn’t the way it should be/
Go away/
Just let me be free/
I need a space to scream/
I want a face to scream at/
I’m failing again/
One long breath/
To fake/ So tasteless/ Bitterness/
I’m so hungry for ignorance/
Everyone faithless/ Loneliness/
You make my blood pour/
Everywhere functionless/ Attractiveness/
I confess I’m failing/ Just like before/
Making me the blame today/
It’s me you blame/
Every way/
A place to be free/
A space I chase/ Only to scream/
I would lie/
to you/
I would cry/
for you/
I would die//

Written by Baz
14 May 2004

I bleed for no one/
I bleed for you/
The only person I let cut into/
The pain and insecurities/
That harbored inside of me/
I believe in no one/
I believe in you/
the only one who can see right through/
Memories of dying blind/
Never again to see your alabaster eyes/
What we are means nothing now/
Feelings aside/
I know I’ll soon die/
Your Saturn is revolving about/
Returning close/
Reap the changes it brings/
What we are means nothing now/
You’ve given love another try/
Cruel as time/
Fulfilled the impulse/
To close your holes/
Everything you want to see/
Everything you once saw for me/
Is all you’ll ever know/
You can’t keep treating others/
Like an extension of your soul//

Written by Baz
25 June 2009

My site has grown and grown lately- you are now able to rate posts, including art and poetry. There is also the facebook connect login, so you can login with your facebook account. Some more new features are the ability to login using your myspace, twitter, even your yahoo account. I’m working hard on  getting this site up and running smoothly and packing it full of content for you to enjoy. If you have any suggestions, comments, feedback, feel free to leave a quick post.

Thanks,

-Baz